Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
