Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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