Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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