Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
