I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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