I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
