i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
