i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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