Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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