There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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