We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't deserve a penis
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
