Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
