I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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