i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
