the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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