I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
