I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
