You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
