watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
