I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's blow job season.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
