Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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