Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
