he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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