Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
