His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I touched a dick in church today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
