I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
