K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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