If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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