I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
