Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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