Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
