the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
