Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
