woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
