I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
