she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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