3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
