I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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