Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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