Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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