i jhust puked up my retainher.
look no pants
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
