Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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