Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
