dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
