Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
