I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
