fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
