I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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