I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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