its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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