Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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