do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
