Your dad touched me again.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
