you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
