I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize