I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
