Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
