They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
