We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
