it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
