so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
